Exchange of Cultural Fluids
by Nate Ball
With the French Cultural Year in China at an end, organisers announced a surprising extension of the exchange up until Chinese New Year. With time running out to fill the extra month with events, the French Cultural Centre has been under pressure to quickly organise an event that will live up to the precedent set by such events as Sophie Marceau's visit.
"To be honest, we were a bit stuck as to what we could do. Just between you and me, this last minute extension has jammed a flagpole into the spokes of our pursuing Nazi motorbike - frankly, I am not sure how we will catch the metaphorical Doctors Jones now! Let's hope that Dr Schneider or Hitler can catch them at the metaphorical book burning parade in Berlin! I am pretty annoyed with those people upstairs, who insist on passing the buck to underlings without giving the proper guidance or support," confessed attaché Claude Enbonheur, on the condition that his name and comments were "not" reproduced in this article.
Vavienne Espace had the following to say: "We were stuck for ideas, but then it turned out that Paris had already organised the main event for us..." In a move that has been welcomed by the French government, thousands of angry urban French youths will be flown to various cities around China, where they will go on consecutive nightly rampages, throwing stones at police, torching cars, and committing acts of arson against nurseries and schools. "We wanted the Chinese people to have the opportunity of seeing "the real France" (speech marks transcribed from hand-action), and this seemed the best solution to all our problems," extolled project supervisor Chaques Jirac.
"We want respect!" cursed one angry youth as he set alight to a nursery school for orphans within his own community. "Too long have our government ignored our plight, all we want is the chance to work a full 35 hour week! ZUT!"