Horoscopes for the Year of the Dog
courtesy of Mr Chen (as told to Phil Yu)
This New Year is Year of the Dog. That means trouble for many people. Especially Dog People, because they always make farts anyway. But what can you do? There is nothing you can do in life to avoid you fate. Destiny is destiny. So read you year below and accept what in store for you. You can thank Dog.
DOG: 1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006
People born in Dog Year is honest and has deep sense of loyalty. But Dog People can be selfish, very stubborn, and like to do ass-sniffing. George W. Bush is dog. This year you see Dogs barking up wrong tree. So don't pay any attention to them! They don't know what the fart they talk about! Also you watch out for Dogs in heat. They like to hump you leg when you not looking. Dogs most compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.
ROOSTER: 1921, 1933, 1945, 1957, 1969, 1981, 1993, 2005
People born in Rooster Year is deep thinkers and gifted with talent. But they often alone and spend most time doing mental masturbation. Rooster people emotions is like they fortunes, they swing very high to very low. This year they going to prostitute themselves to support they drug habit or they doctor tell them they has schizophrenia. They most compatible with Ox, Snake, and Dragon.
MONKEY: 1920, 1932, 1944, 1956, 1968, 1980, 1992, 2004
People born in Year of Monkey is sneaky buffoons. Even though they clever, skillful, and very inventive, they cannot be given trust or took serious. Monkey People is impatient, easily discouraged, and often leave projects unfinished. So a word to the wise, never do business with Monkeys. When Monkey People are angry they tend to sling faeces at you. They most compatible with Dragon and Rat.
RAM: 1919, 1931, 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003
People born in Year of Ram is elegant and highly accomplished in art. Which mean they pretentious and narcissistic. They usually puzzled about life and tend to come off as stupid whore. This year Ram should go for regular health check-up because they will have high chance of the VD. They compatible with Rabbit, Pig, and Horse.
HORSE: 1930, 1942, 1954, 1966, 1978, 1990, 2002
People born in Year of the Horse is very popular and well-connected. If you need guanxi, talk to Horse. They usually involved in black market enterprises, such as bestiality porn and arms sales. Business will be very good for horse this year. They most compatible with Tiger, Dog, and Sheep.
SNAKE: 1917, 1929, 1941, 1953, 1965, 1977, 1989, 2001
Snake people often quite vain, selfish, and a little stingy. Yet they give much sympathy for others and try to help those less fortunate. Snake people usually good-looking. Mao Zedong is born in Year of Snake. Therefore Snake People is righteous hero and natural born leader. This year Snake should save they thoughts for rainy day and spend all they pennies. They most compatible with the Ox and Rooster.
DRAGON: 1916, 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000
People born in Year of Dragon is healthy, energetic, over-zealous, and very horny. They usually freakish and very strange, too. As always, this year you see Dragon make very ballsy, ostentatious moves. Dragon finances should improve, because they get new career opportunities involving either: meteorology reporting, pet grooming, or exotic dancing. They most compatible with Rat, Snake, Monkey, and Rooster.
RABBIT: 1915, 1927, 1939, 1951, 1963, 1975, 1987, 1999
People born in Year of the Rabbit is articulate, has the talent, and is ambitious. They also very sexy and has the excellent taste. Posh Spice is Rabbit. But this year, all Rabbit People has very bad luck, get hit by bus, and die. Posh included. Rabbits is (and would have been) most compatible with those born in the year of Sheep, Pig, and Dog.
TIGER: 1914, 1926, 1938, 1950, 1962, 1974, 1986, 1998
Tiger people be sensitive, given to deep thinking, and capable of great sympathy. Yet they cannot make up they mind, which can result in poor, hasty decision or good decision arrived at too late. This year they continue to be flakey, self-absorbed slacker, and fail to achieve anything significant. They should do the rest of world a favor and kill theyselves now. Tiger most compatible with Horse, Dragon, and Dog.
OX: 1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997
People born in Year of Ox be complete assholes. They also be bigoted and sadistic. They have fierce temper and little to say of rational importance. They remarkably stubborn, and hate to fail or be opposed. This year they get beat up like little girls. They most compatible with Snake, Rooster, and Rat people.
RAT: 1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996
People born in Year of Rat is noted for they charm and attraction to the opposite sex. But unfortunately, most Rats is ugly and naturally smell bad, so they never get any action. They work hard to achieve they goals this year, but they fail miserably because for the most part, Rat People be ineffective twats. They compatible with those born in the year of Dragon, Monkey, and Ox.
PIG: 1923, 1935, 1947, 1959, 1971, 1983, 1995, 2007
People born in Year of Pig is mentally disturbed. They don't talk much but they hear several voices in they head. Anyone has Pig for a friend is unfortunate. Pig People is extremely obsessive, paranoid, and pathological liar. This year they either make pact with devil or join terrorist group. Pig is most compatible with Rabbit and Sheep.