by Dino Zapataria
Last month saw the inaugural meeting of the Beijing Insufferables Club - more than a dozen of the most death-defyingly irritating people in Beijing gathered at the Tree on a Saturday afternoon to namedrop indiscriminately, bray ill-advised generalisations and generally lower the quality of human existence.
Although the meeting went very well, there are no plans or another at any point in the near future. "It was a roaring success," says club chairman Mike Tote, "but frankly I can't stand the lot of them."
Another thriving community group, which has recently restarted its bimonthly meetings, is the Ludicrous Stereotypes Association, a social group for people who emobdy the most idiotic caricatures of their home nation. This month's meeting took place at Schindler's, where everybody enjoyed drinks and hearty German cuisine.
"I found the food vely paratable," said Suzuki Akira, a Japanese businessman in a grey pinstripe suit and circular black-framed glasses. New chairman Fritz Braun of Germany called the meeting to order exactly on time, arranging the group's food order with military efficiency.
All are agreed that the Association is going very well indeed. "It was a jolly good turn-out, I must say," said Englishman Charles Brown. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get home to change out of my bowler hat so that I can go and participate in some football-related violence."
"I 'ave 'ad a very good time 'eeeaaaargh," said Jacques Lebrun. Having given his seal of Gallic approval, Lebrun donned his beret and onions, before cycling off down the road with a baguette over his shoulder.