Summer Last-Minute Buys
by Joy la Joie
Just like any time of the year, summer is the perfect time to go shopping. What better way to escape the gloomy haze of the grey Beijing sky and beat the heat, than heading to the nearest fluorescent-lit, air-conditioned mega-mall! Here's a few tips on what to buy in order to stay cool in the summertime:
Raid Roach Killer
It's just about the time of year when your cockroach infested apartment has multiplied to the hilt. Stop playing the victim role and get proactive. Head out to your nearest Jinkelong Supermarket and pick up a bottle of Raid. Step back and spray your place silly. In mere minutes you’ll be sweeping the tiny dead carcasses off your floor with ease.
Er Guo Tou
Much like Coke, Er Guo Tou serves a myriad of household functions. Not only does it keep you fresh and relaxed, remove bicycle rust, as well as prevent salmonella poisoning, but it also serves to ward off pesty mosquitoes. Simply drink a bottle or two, and your pores will emit a bitterness so repugnant, not even the most bloodthirsty wenzi can endure.
These are handy and fashionable. Need I say more?
False ice cubes with insects trapped inside
These will come in handy for all of those barbeques and garden parties you should be hosting. What better way to make party conversation than drop one of these babies in your guest's drink? I found these on sale at the 333 mall. Take the escalator to the fourth floor, turn right, and it's the first store on your left that sells other useless kitsch items for you to waste your money on.
Plastic Foot-Washing Basins
An instant cure for the Beijing foot grime. After a jaunt through the city streets in flip-flops, simply fill the basin with peppermint soap and hot water. Immerse your feet and let them soak for a good 5-7 minutes. Upon emerging, your feet will look and feel like the human ones you once knew. Purchase these at your local neighborhood market and bargain hard. Don't be a sucker and pay more than 3 kuai per basin. They come in various colors and sizes.