by Gerry Balt
Officer Balloon (BTV-2)
Enthusiastic police officer Xie Fei attaches helium balloons to his body and becomes Beijing's leading expert in high-rise crime and prevailing wind directions. This week, one of Officer Balloon's balloons springs a pinhole leak and begins to lose helium. Our hero begins to fall earthwards. Can he reach his puncture repair kit in time? Can he?
Floating Policeman (HBTV)
Thinly-disguised rip-off of Officer Balloon (q.v.), the difference being that this is ostensibly a reality show. Each episode, a new Hebei police officer is attached to helium balloons and sent off to fight crime. Authorities are hoping that eventually the airborne officers will lead to a big drop in the crime rate, sufficient to overcome the PR damage caused by the provincial police department's sudden rise in on-duty falling deaths.
You Will Never Understand (CCTV-9)
English-language series intended to help foreigners accept that Chinese people are special and live life facing challenges, experiencing emotions and thinking about concepts which non-Chinese are too primitive to possibly understand.
Episode 3: We Suffered More. This episode explains why nothing that has ever happened anywhere ever could possibly be worse than something that has happened to Chinese people. Featuring the music of Jackie Chan.
Coin Museums of China (HLJTV)
Seemingly endless documentary on coin museums around China, from Jilin to Yunnan. Extensive footage of visitor-free corridors and display cases, as well as curators' reminiscences of the day their museums opened, with no footage whatsoever of actual coins. One for numismatics completists only.