by Gery Balt
Officer Balloon (BTV-2)
Enthusiastic police officer Xie Fei attaches helium balloons to his body and becomes Beijing's leading expert in high-rise crime and prevailing wind directions. This week, Officer Balloon is shocked to discover that due to his low arrest record, he is not allowed to come on the annual police fun trip. He spends several scenes staring moodily into the distance whilst floating over the local park to the accompaniment of an unremarkable sax break. However, his blue funk is soon broken when he spots a rowdy sanlunche gang attempting to rob a train carrying a cargo of valuable metal sheeting.
If I Had A Hammock (XJTV)
Fun new action gameshow sponsored by Columbia Sportswear, in which contestants face an array of challenges equipped with only their native cunning and a hammock. Challenges include getting a bin-bag full of outdoor leisure wear safely across a ravine, stopping traffic on a four-lane highway and attempting to conceal a horse-drawn fruit wagon from five men dressed as Robin Hood.
Live-action superhero adventure. Unassuming corrupt bureaucrat Wang Lianbo is accidentally scratched with a radioactive wire, giving him the proportional tensile strength and flexibility of a wire. As Wireman, he uses his superpowers to alternately fight crime and line his own pockets.
Episode 4: No Office is Safe - Wireman goes up against the stealthy and dangerous Lampetta, a super-powered industrial spy with the ability to turn into an IKEA-brand freestanding lamp.
Spiritual Pollution (HLJTV)
Magazine show consisting of uncensored clips of hardcore US and European pornography, ostensibly to demonstrate the "cultural corruption and depravity of the West". Repeated mid-week.