The Inner Workings
How gou-rou.com works
We thought you'd a ppreciate a look at the creative processes behind your favourite web-based Beijing 'zine, so I took the liberty of recording a portion of our general meeting in Canada earlier this month. Below is a portion of what happened in the boardroom in the majestic prairie metropolis that is Winnipeg.
Phil MacKenzie (Directing Editor): Why are our hits so cack this week? Although the chart is up...
Todd Louks (Editorial Director): Must be your fault.
Phil: I can't believe you screwed this up so badly, Todd.
Todd: Ooh, hark at Mr Sitekiller.
Phil: We were possibly going to get to 4000 in this sector before you jammed your massive spanner in the works. And started interfering with our cogs.
Todd: God, Phil, why do you have to be such a retard?
Phil: Loosening all our nuts and interrupting the clockwork of our system... damn it, I cannot believe that you have ruined yet another plan.
Todd: You're the one banging around inside the mechanism, with a big hammer.
Phil: Well, what of reports of you entering the "service personnel only" door, carrying a gigantic iron bar to jam in our spokes?
Arabella Green (editor-in-chief): We should put this conversation on the next issue as "minutes from the editorial board meeting in Winnipeg, Canada".
Phil: No. Absolutely not.
Arabella: With the names changed to protect the innocent, of course.
Todd: Shut up, Arabella. You dolt.
Phil: You may be the most attractive woman we or anyone else in the office has ever seen, but that doesn't mean we have to put up with your imbecilic suggestions.
Arabella: For example, "'Todd' is actually Ruth Kelly".
Todd: Stop the dog seeing the rabbit, so to speak.
Phil: Or "Philip Martin is actually the erotic novelist".
Arabella: Whilst it was actually Karl Kennedy who, during his mid-life crisis was moving around the neighbourhood gnomes. Causing that old woman to think she was going mad.
Todd: Wow, I'd forgotten that.
Phil: What was her name again? Cheryl's mother, right? Marlene?
Todd: Er...don't know.
Phil: Well, that's a fat lot of use.
Todd: You could look it up on neighbours.com or something.
Phil: Yeah yeah yeah. Prison's too good, honestly....
Todd: Well, it's just a B&B with magazines now, isn't it?
Phil: Yeah. Running machines and TVs in every cell.
Todd: Pet badgers... unmarried Filipino women.
Phil: Curse those sluts.
Todd: Did you take that USB cable?
Phil: It's here - should be on the chair.
Todd: No, it's... oh, found it. It was under the couch, under a plastic bottle. Beneath a plastic bag. Next to a dead wasp.
Phil: Todd, can I count on you to not screw up the upstairs office while I am away just how you screwed up the gou-rou.com hits last month?
Todd: Of course you can. Though it will take me a while to clean up the table after I emptied out the bin bag on it to find a pin I dropped.
Phil: Notice how we just missed our target on the hits thanks to your incompetence...
Phil: For June page views - we missed the projected target by a tiny margin...
Todd: It's not my fault if you start wanging your big tool around in the finely oiled gou-rou.com PR machine.
Phil: ...and the giant finger of accusation is pointing firmly at you.
Well, I hope that's enough insight for you! It certainly was for me! A.G.